russian roulette

playing russian roulette with ptsd anxiety and depression

which will i feel today is the question

will i get a blast from the past?

be reminded of all those times i got harassed?

is it time to flashback the torture?

is it time to flashback the trauma?

or will anxiety take the centre stage?

will she make me feel unwelcome and strange?

will i be treated to a breeze of knee shaking?

will she trap me so there is no escaping?

maybe depression will come out to play?

will she force me to stay in today?

is she going to keep me in my bed chained?

will she convince me even though it is sunny it had rained?

perhaps i am lucky and they will all keep me company at the same time

treated like a prisoner for an unknown crime

i feel so special to be loved this much

i pull the trigger to test my luck

2021: be kind

β€œin a world where you can be anything, be kind”

sometimes it is best to not speak your mind

no one can imagine what you went through

so sorry for the world and what it did to you

and the reporters are only getting greedier

they will do anything to broadcast only your dirt in the media

people forget that celebrities have emotions

all they see are your pretty pictures posted on the socials

everyone gets jealous of the life you are living

same age but you are by far winning

now they have been painted green

start commenting behind their phone screen

they are so oblivious to the risks

that mental health exists

because they do not know that you currently cannot sleep

their words hurt they cut so deep

you did not know the spotlight came with a price

not everyone will love and support you. it does not feel nice

the haters are getting their satisfactions

due to their cruel captions

it hurts to see that so many idols

are so severely suicidal

my reflection? i do not know her

my reflection? i do not know her

she is no longer ever sober

went from a light smoker

to a heavy stoner

drugs now control her

drugs now are her owner

not me. to her i am a joker

it all started in october

when he said β€œwe are over”

left without giving any closure

got straight in his motor

and to this life he drove her

right from the minute he broke her

moods are severely bipolar

sanity is now only getting lower

she is forever lacking composure

we will never again be closer

my reflection? i do not know her

depression

and when sleep abandoned me so did my dreams

mood swings started going from bad to extreme 

my motivation drifted out of my window along with the smoke from a cigarette 

sometimes i even had to get high so my body could forget 

to disremember this overwhelming feeling of sadness 

i tried to paint my future but the outcome was always a blank canvas 

needed watering like i was a flower

i went ten days without a shower 

to my bed i had been chained 

it was summer but i stayed indoors like it had rained

this is how depression feels

my happiness she steals

and every time i thought i’d got rid of her 

and every time i thought i was about to recover 

she reminds me that i couldn’t kill her even if i tried to

she reminds me that the only way i could have got rid of her is if i died too

a world of selfish rich people

the main question: how is the world still so backwards?

the people who inspire most of us are actors

why am i so obsessed that he has not yet texted me back?

when on the other side of the world there are countries still under attack 

how can i be so invested in finding out who is the father of mindys daughter?

whilst there still exists third world countries without clean water

we forget the families who worked in sweatshops living in an empty room without even chairs

but can so happily spend hundreds on that same makeup to fund the billionaires

the rich are so happy in the hotel because they got the biggest suite

when their window view is of homeless people filling the street

and when you are throwing away your food because they tell us to watch how much we weigh

please remember that millions have not even eaten today 

how can the rich have everything but still be so selfish?

you will never hear them say save the children but they can scream β€œsave the fish!”

this is not to say animals are any less important 

but we should first address the problems on our doorstep 

use your platform and speak we will be the best listeners

tell us how to help are poor brothers and sisters 

there are children walking miles without any shoes

but their main concern is free the animals from the zoos

to them animals come first forget the humans

suddenly they are a hero for their tiny contributions 

so quick to tweet about who’s lives matter

but let’s be honest no one ever saw them protesting with a banner

still countries are using candles because there is no electricity 

obviously they send out their thoughts and prayers for the good publicity

they video then post for the world to see them giving a homeless man a water bottle 

with the caption that they are our generations role model 

they have the money to make a difference but they don’t.

only time they help is when they have the opportunity to gloat.

we need to realise they all got famous for being fake?

frequent timeout holidays because they β€œneeded a break”

yes they have a huge platform to make everyone listen 

but their money and power puts them in a physical position 

if you want to call them your inspiration 

they must first do good for the human population 

another thing that makes me mad is β€œbreaking news: kim kardashian is now blonde!”

no. show us the counties currently getting bombed

change the front pages to what we actually need to hear

human trafficking. kids disappear

stop the gossip about tv reality 

talk more about police brutality 

use the news to inform us

so much going on. you need to warn us

we are so oblivious we need to be educated

first and third world countries hugely separated

the right to education should be compulsory.

should be free.

not a luxury.

how can you go to a country as a reporter 

and film the children dying from the lack of clean water?

guilt tripping us with the poor sanitation 

when the rich can shut down the whole poverty organisation 

instead we are shown adverts to make us donate Β£3 a month 

because not even the billionaires can spare a small fund 

this world is home to billions

but a group claimed it and made us the civilians