help – brownkiesha

dear broken hearted girl

just a broken hearted girl

living in a lonely world

surrounded by billions but still feel alone

hundred contacts but still no one to phone

everything is moving so fast

but cannot see the future she is stuck in the past

tried to paint love on a blank canvas

all she got was a splash of blackness

to represent her sadness

she is an award winning actor for pretending

her bad days are never ending

sanity is severely descending

she has been searching but still cannot seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel

thinking she should just save everyone the trouble

and end this struggle

no one would even miss her right?

wrong! she is the reason i write

she sparks the flame inside of me that ignites

she cannot quit

i will admit

i cannot imagine a world without her in it

let me be the speaker

dear reader

i need her

do not know who needs to hear this

but you deserve to exist

your life is the precious gift

save me, doctor

everyone always says “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”

but what can i take for my depression to make a disappearance?

and what will it take for my happiness to make a reappearance?

i have tried everything from writing diaries to walking up hills

because still the doctor does not think i am ready for the pills

instead he gives me a list of the risks

ignoring that my mental health exists

but he cannot see that there is a gun currently aimed at my head

one more bad day and i will probably be shot dead

he cannot hear the voices

whispering in my ear to make the bad choices

down on my knees begging “why will you not help me?”

he carries the power to set me free

HeLp Me

in my own body i am a hostage forever

will i ever be free? “never”

i have lost all of my control

there is a girl inside of me playing my role

you cannot see. but she is currently holding a gun to my head

if i do something wrong “i will shoot you dead”

always awake. she never sleeps

she is my voice who speaks

i tried to fight her back

but she just attacked

she tells me to shut up and sit quietly

her name is “anxiety”

i thought she was only visiting me like a holiday in the city

but she moved into me. she is not very pretty

so until she makes a sudden disappearance

my job for now is only the appearance

she granted me a pen so this poem i could write

to convince you i am crazy and not alright

my best friend forever

hello my best friend depression

are you here to spread through me quicker than an infection?

i wonder what you have planned for us today

what game are we about to play?

going to trick me so i am in my bed chained?

convince me even though there is sun it has rained?

forget to water me? i am a flower

this is the tenth day you will not let me have a shower

will you get me so upset

and then hide my cigarettes?

will you ask me to paint my future on a blank canvas?

then ruin it with your splashes of blackness?

will you tell me to forget about all my hopes and dreams?

will you make my mood swings drift from bad to extreme?

i still do not know how you are still my friend

i guess it is because of all the time together we spend

you make me feel so low

but from a baby to now you watched me grow

and at the end of the day you are the only one i can rely on

save our mother

to the ends of this world we have explored

one day i hope my faith in humanity will be restored

all whilst saying this world was a gift from the lord

as a population we still all manage

to keep committing irreversible damage

now our planet is at a disadvantage

because when earth takes her last breath so will we

why can no one hear her screaming “stop trying to kill me”?

it will be too late to feel guilty

look at this mess

we were just only her guests

now she is a hostage trying to protest

earth has been kidnapped

forever trapped

and we all did that

she is screaming behind bars

“why do you need flying cars?”

“why do you need a spaceship to go see the stars?”

she already gave us everything we ever needed

and look how poorly we have treated

to kill her. we have greatly succeeded

our mother

our first lover

we will never have another

depression

and when sleep abandoned me so did my dreams

mood swings started going from bad to extreme

my motivation drifted out of my window along with the smoke from a cigarette

sometimes i even had to get high so my body could forget

to disremember this overwhelming feeling of sadness

i tried to paint my future but the outcome was always a blank canvas

needed watering like i was a flower

i went ten days without a shower

to my bed i had been chained

it was summer but i stayed indoors like it had rained

this is how depression feels

my happiness she steals

and every time i thought i’d got rid of her

and every time i thought i was about to recover

she reminds me that i couldn’t kill her even if i tried to

she reminds me that the only way i could have got rid of her is if i died too